Just to be Frank

As I sat through meeting after meeting discussing challenges I think I would face in China and how I would overcome them, one challenge repeatedly surfaced with no real solution: communication.  I have always been an inordinately loquacious individual and have employed an extensive array of words for an equally expansive variety of reasons.  Basically, I talk my way through life.  My silver tongue has earned me unwarranted admiration from my peers, it has attracted girls who were way out of my league, and has gotten me out of many sticky situations.  Coming to China, I was not worried about communication on a basic level, such as ordering food, thanking a host, or asking directions.  To be honest, I was worried that I would slip into verbal mediocrity and no longer be what my site mate refers to as a 'conversation artist.'  After 3 months here and a small number of Chinese lessons, my Chinese is improving slowly but surely.  Nonetheless, I must admit that at this point, I would be grateful even to be considered among the verbally mediocre.  FEAR NOT!!!  For I have found another way to flex my body's strongest muscle.  Instead of wooing my entourage with a silver tongue, I have chosen to use the golden pipes.  A few weeks ago, I went to a local bar with some friends.  Because this is China, there is KTV (karaoke) every night until 9, when the live band begins its performance.  We all took turns choosing songs, and when my turn came around, I settled on "Fly Me to the Moon," as performed by Frank Sinatra.  Had the evening ended here, this would be a very inconsequential and thus boring story.  When the band came on at 9, one of the members said he had heard me sing KTV and would like me to join the band to sing their opening song.  I make a habit to make a fool of myself as often as possible, so with no shame, I took to the stage to live out a life-long dream… singing "It's My Life," by Bon Jovi, to a sparse, mesmerized crowd of Chinese adolescents.  (Bonus points if you know why "It's My Life" can also be considered a Frank Sinatra song.)  All in all, it was a decent performance and led to my also closing the show with a rousing rendition of "Knocking on Heaven's Door."  A week later, we showed up at the bar with some friends, and I was able to join the band again to sing "Every Breath You Take."  Outside of KTV and public jam sessions with the local band, I also sang at a welcome party for new students, serenaded students during office hours (on request of course), and have been helping out with an on-campus a cappella group called K-VOX.  (More to come about K-VOX in a later post.)  So until I can finish 'polishing' my Chinese and use my silver tongue again, I'll just keep on singing.

2 + 2 = it is not snowing

I just finished my first week of teaching and have a few things to report.  Firstly, inside the classroom I am treated like some sort of celebrity guest teacher.  I get a standing ovation at the beginning and end of most classes, and students attempt to take pictures of me while I am teaching.  The majority of my jokes are lost on my students, but they seem to enjoy themselves nonetheless.  My site-mate, Andy and I both taught a lesson on western logic, which is surprisingly different than Chinese logic.  Before the lesson, Andy told me, "In America we think that if all men are mortal and Socrates is a man, then Socrates is mortal.  But in China they think that if my teacher tells me Socrates is mortal then Socrates is mortal."  This point was too perfectly proven when multiple students made the following "logical" conclusion. 

 

If I only speak English in class, my oral English will improve.

If my oral English does not improve… then it is not snowing.

 

They did this because "It is not snowing" was the response to the initial example of 'If…then' statements.

 

If it is snowing, then it is cold.

If it is not cold, then it is not snowing.

 

I must try my hardest not to abuse what seems to be a God-like power of determining what is and is not logical for my 350+ students.  Then again, this could be interesting… 

 

Anyway, outside of the classroom, we had a department basketball game versus student affairs and/or the PE department.  (Ask 2 Chinese people the same question and get 3 different answers.  I've given up on trying to answer such questions.)  I was originally not on the team because the dean was not sure if I could play or not, but when I assured him of my ability, I was welcomed onto the team with open arms.  He even gave me his own jersey to play in.  After a hot mess of cherry-picking, shameful officiating, and more traveling than a year with Rick Steves, we lost the game 15-17, with yours truly scoring an astonishing 6 points.  Put on your rally caps though, because from here on out, the Kaili University foreign language department will go undefeated and walk away with the championship. JIA YOU!!! (ADD OIL!!! [LET'S GO TEAM!!!])